Letting Go

I needed to write this out.  Needed to see the words staring back at me on the screen.  I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to love.  Didn't try hard enough, or didn't have enough in me to keep it together.  But I've often used those mistakes as a crutch.  They became the reason that I used to continue supporting the notion that I was "screwed up", and so therefore didn't need to bother putting myself out there.

But this was a defense mechanism.  I'm just a vulnerable poet heart that's afraid of being hurt.  In the past, I've clung to this, allowing it to cripple good relationships and ruin the hearts of some remarkable women.  Well, this time around, I'm determined to avoid going there.  I'd like to believe that I've matured enough to handle letting someone love me and loving them back.  It's that simple.  I refuse to analyze it to death.  I refuse to let my fears ruin me again.

To all the women from my past, I apologize collectively, one last time, for not realizing this sooner.  You are all beautiful, amazing, loving women who, when the right man comes along, will bless him with a lifetime of love.  I understand now that the simple truth is I was just not intended to be that man.  I wish all of you love and happiness, and thank you for your parts in helping me become a man.

To the woman who currently shares my smiles, this is my pledge to not let the past shut you out.  All I can do is promise you that I'll give this my all, and hope that it lasts forever.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet