To all the women from my past, I apologize collectively, one last time, for not realizing this sooner. You are all beautiful, amazing, loving women who, when the right man comes along, will bless him with a lifetime of love. I understand now that the simple truth is I was just not intended to be that man. I wish all of you love and happiness, and thank you for your parts in helping me become a man.
While my intentions were good here, I see now that this can open some old wounds, and probably feels like a slap to the face. And for that, I apologize. I was in no way reveling in the fact that I've moved on, or boasting about become a man at your expense. I was simply hoping to convey that each woman from my past has helped me become wiser, stronger, more emotionally willing to commit to, submit to, and cherish love when it is given. While I do believe it was not intended for me to be the man who brings each of you a lifetime of love, I've learned that this is a quiet reflection that should have been made privately. Again, I apologize.
Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet
Excuse me if this seems tactless here. But I didn't see anything wrong with what you said. It was easily understandable at your intentions. But I think that whoever got upset about this was only clouded by their emotions and that their is something that they have to deal with. I don't know if that's coldblooded or not but that's just how i see it. It's noble that you apologized but at the same time I don't think it's necessary.
ReplyDeleteAlso I am glad that you are learning to forgive yourself. You seemed to be struggling with that and I'm glad you realize that you don't have to carry that burden for the rest of your life.
Not too long ago, I too believed the saying time will tell. Then I learned it's not time that changes things, but things that change IN time, for some. It didn't happen for me, and I learned when someone doesn't love you...they just don't, and nothing will make them come back. I think [the realization of or force to except]that may be what your ex felt reading that; And felt cheated out of something. Only someone who has loved with their soul could see into where this could have been miss taken. And only you and she know the details. Hope all goes well for you and your new love.
ReplyDeleteThese are two very valid viewpoints, and I appreciate both of you taking the time read and comment.
ReplyDelete@Terri, I think we all become clouded by emotions to some extent, which is why I understood how my statements could be taken the wrong way...in fact, I was perhaps clouded by emotions when I wrote them. I don't think you're coldblooded at all, I just think we both share the ability to see things rationally over emotionally, which is why I completely understand your point of view. Also thank you for that...struggling to forgive and accept myself have always been two life long battles. Hopefully, I'll start winning now...lol
@Fluff, I agree that time doesn't tell us anything, and rarely actually forces change. We have to actively try to change ourselves. I can completely see now, how reading these statements can open old wounds. It's like going somewhere, and almost having a good time, then leaving and going somewhere else...on the way over, screaming back "Thanks for that almost good time, because it's going to make me enjoy this place so much better!!" Seems kind of cold when you look at it like that. And I've never tried to be a cold person (except to evil people who intentionally try to bring it out). I hope she knows that she was loved, treasured, and appreciated, but I just couldn't sustain it. And thank you for that last part. I've been hopeless in love too many times, so I can use all the hope I can get...lol
Oh, and thank you both, for your insight and friendship. :)