Earlier this afternoon, I was standing next to my sister's car, in the parking lot of a local store, smoking a cigarette and waiting for my sister to come outside. As I'm standing there, this silver SUV pulls up and I see the driver looking at me. I notice that he's motioning for me to come over. I try to place the car in my mind, but I'm certain I've never seen it before. So I continue to smoke my cigarette, assuming the man was trying to get someone else's attention. He lowers his head a little and starts motioning even harder for me to come to the car. I try to see if I know him. While he fits the profile of several people I might know, I can't get a clear look. The windows are tinted just enough where you can't really see inside. So I move a bit closer.
This fool is fanning me to him like I'm AAA and he's got three flat tires. I reach the passenger side door and finally see the man. He looks like a cross between Black Thought from the Roots and one of the janitors from when I was in high school. Quickly, I realize that I don't know him.
But now, I'm curious. I pull the door open, hoping that this is not about to be the beginning of one of those crazy episodes of Cops. The man looks at me, earnestly, and says:
"Man....what the hell you doing out here, smoking in all this cold? If you don't get your ass in here and give me one of them cigarettes....."
Direct fucking quote. I couldn't keep from laughing. I'm thinking in my mind "Is this crazy motherfucker serious?" I laughed so hard I could feel my eyes watering. I have to admit that if there was an award for the most original way to ask for a cigarette, then the man in the silver SUV would have won that, hands down. But I only had one cigarette left. So you know he didn't get it. But he got a well earned round of applause inside my head.
Sometimes the things that come out of people's mouths....too damn funny.
Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet
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