Sometimes, You Gain a Bit of Perspective

Bruno Mars --- Grenade

I've been listening to this song on and off for the better part of two days. The haunting way that I hear several of my ex's singing the chorus back to me is both very disturbing and extremely clarifying. While I would never describe myself as a heartbreaker, I know that I have broken one or two hearts. This is something I'll never be proud of. But my most recent break up has forced within me a willingness to discover what it is ,that either stays within or exists without, causing my misfortune in the world of love.

I think this song explains it. Too often, I've been given complete love, and while I wasn't as drastic as the singer's love interest in tossing this love aside, I never completely gave it back. Only bits and pieces of love in portions, which will always ultimately leave something to be longed for.

Did I love any of my ex's? I was once quickly able to answer that question with a yes, but now I find myself hesitating. Even my yes seems lackluster, because my love was too often limited and dulled in comparison to that of the woman I was with. I think that in order for a relationship to last, at the very least the amount of love must balance. If unequal, the scales tip, and this is just an invitation to disaster.

I hope that all of my ex's find that love which matches their own. I hope it truly reflects the completeness that they sought, but failed to find, with me. Mainly, I just hope that they are happy.

As for me, I believe I'm becoming a bit unattuned to love. There's this something about me, or missing from me, which causes it to falter. I guess I'm just sick of falling. Or, perhaps there's a woman somewhere out there that'll make all my stumbles worthwhile. Who knows?

Love whole and love true.

the Rare Poet