Reflection
I am a two-way glass
and you never could make yourself see
standing on the wrong side of this darkness
searching blindly to find the light
while you…
you just want to see your worst in me
the helpless, the frightened, all the struggling to see why
you always keep scratching the surface
but are never getting
anywhere
except here, in this place of blaming, claiming that
I am the reason your life keeps sinking
and I try to be this image of hope
but can’t help thinking of
saving myself
from you, who only sees busted mirrors
broken dreams, fragmented slivers
of all the pain we ever caused each other
well, I’m sorry you see right through me, but frankly
I look through your walls too
I am sick of your ability to be
everything other than real,
and to me, who I feel deserves
to see you most
deserves the most to be let in
deserves your forgiveness
above all other because
I was the one scorned by your collective sins
and I’ve been there
with you, from the motherfucking start
and I think it is time you hear this
time you hear me, who stood by you
when we broke down, when we fell apart
I was there picking up pieces
it is time for you to rest this restless tirade
I cannot take the chaos of these
segmented peaces
I mean, don’t you think I understand by now?
been down all the darkened hallways, the abandoned alleys
I was there too; I have the same scars as you
so don’t you dare be so fucking pretentious
casting your glares, when it was you who helped
make those beds
I remember you lying right there, being silent
now your eyes have the nerve to scream charges
I admit, I haven’t made all the right choices, I’ve done some foul shit and
acknowledged other voices (more than you),
but you were too busy back then, back when you abandoned me
no, if I’m more accurate, when you abandoned us
I kept thrusting myself at you, wounded projectile in your path
but you simply overlooked me, even when I longed for your wrath
your judgment, some input, or just a few words
to say you could see me still
can you imagine how it feels
cold hearted complacence, so fucking nonchalant
emotions exposed naked
only to be tossed aside, like hearts set up to shatter
I forgot I even mattered….
and I wonder if it matters now, how I still recall that moment
when we separated self
became two separate selves, concerned with separate breaths
moving in different directions, I choose right, but you go left
heart beat, off-track, sketchy, sporadic
we don’t speak the same things
we don’t think the same things
used to hear harmony, but now there’s only static
it’s like you’re blocking me out
and I don’t trust you at all
lack of communication, plus now we’re building walls
and from me, from me….like you can ever be
disconnected from
exactly who you are
the part of me that is always so critical
the part of me that never wants to take responsibility for anything
the part of me that should have noticed when we were still a whole
I’ve held this down for as long as I can
and maybe this might sound crazy
or maybe
I am two-way glass
watching myself watch myself
torn apart by disgust in those eyes
that once tried to love me, for me…..I hate reflections
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