Sometimes, It's So Funny, It Hurts...

Lint in These Pockets

a jest

I’m in a bind.

I’m overstressed, but can’t afford

no damn chain smoking.

A lack of funds has severed my fun.

It has, pretty much, left me

broke….

I know, I know, that’s not correct,

the proper word should be broken.

But I can’t afford the n

on the end of that.

I applied for a loan….so I’m hoping.

But it’s hard holding on to hope,

when having no dollars

is making no sense.

Had to spend electric bill money

just to cover the mortgage, so

now I can’t even vent.

Spending all this time

chasing a dime, when I owe a quarter

to somebody else.

Debts rising, prices rising

and money always out of reach.

It’s a damn shame, this strain being broke has me under,

where 1+1

is only 2 of the 10

that I was supposed to pay last week.

And I was good at math, but this ain’t adding up,

only working to owe, and living to pay.

I got a better chance of getting struck by lightning

than enjoying my 401k.

Hell, jobs keep disappearing and they keep

arguing over what’s going to fix the economy, instead of actually rebuilding.

That’s why I fear I’ll need to get a negative sign

before I ever get to see my first million.

But I don’t want pawn off my son’s future

just so I can afford to live today.  Digging through

lint in these pockets, just to find a dollar,

so I can pay back enough to

borrow another day.

It’s crazy, this vicious cycle of treading

debt infested waters so you don’t have to drown,

only to feel yourself sinking deeper, and knowing

the lifeguard’s nowhere to be found.

I want to take financial swimming lessons,

dive in oceans of wealth and never come up for air.

Besides, you know the houses in rich neighborhoods:

the water’s always better over there.

The grass is a bit greener and the air much cleaner.

Don’t get me wrong, they have problems that need dealing with,

but it’s not

scraping up enough to cover last month’s bills,

on top of trying to fix other shit.

So I’m in this bind.  I’m

overstressed, just

biding my time, trying my best.

I got to get to the other side.

The other side of this poverty line

If I Could Heal the World

Everyday, I remind myself of the people I wish I could save.  Family members, friends, complete strangers, all just in need of a little help.  It might be financial, or maybe just a bit of emotional stability to help them make it through the day.  I wish I could wipe away all their tears.  I wish I could make the struggle less severe.

I offer what I can.  Kind words, a smile, some kernel of hope, that I'm hoping will plant a seed inside them, so that something beautiful blooms.  I give money to those who need it when I can, and try to offer a positive outlook on life.  It might not erase the pain, but struggle is a solitary enough place without feeling bad about it.

At times, I get down on myself.  I haven't even managed to save me, and yet I have all these bold aspirations involving others.  But I remind myself of the power of will, which keeps my desire to help intact.

Currently, someone I really care about is badly in need.  It hurts that I can only offer sympathy through my words.  I wish I could do so much more.  I wish I had the power to fix the situation.  If she's reading this, I want her to know these things.  That if she needs me, I'll be there.  That distance, the past, time, nor money, hold no influence over my willingness to help her.  I hope she knows that if I could heal this world, she's at the top of the list of the people I'd save.

It is painful to watch good people suffer.  But if enough of us act, we can mend that pain.  Help somebody, even if it's only by letting them know that you are with them.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

Speaking Our Fears

Recently, I read an empowering statement that maybe my soul has always known, but just needed a little prodding to find its way back to.  We all fear things.  No, that's not what I read, just a bit of common knowledge that will always hold true.  Some of the things we fear are large in scale, such as death and loneliness.  Other fears seem minuscule in comparison, like snakes, spiders, and public speaking.  But there is a universal truth to all fears.  They are only as powerful as we make them.

Right now, take a moment and digest this statement.

The things we fear are only ever as powerful as we make them.

This is an amazing concept when put into practice with everyday living.  When thinking about it like that, being afraid seems a bit trivial at best.  Most people want to try new things, but are often afraid of failure.  But think about it logically.  Even if you fail, will you end up any worse off than where you are right now?  If the answer is no, then you really should have tried it by now.

Even fears of those intangible things such as death or being alone are not so great when examined closely.  Everybody dies.  It's not a pleasant thing to think about, but if you spend all your time fearing death, you lose the beauty of living.  And then, you die anyway.  Being alone should be a moment to delve into yourself, not something that leaves you crippled and saddened.  And the reality is, nobody has to be alone.  They just fear it so much that it drives people away.  Even if you're awkward, ugly, stupid, or whatever other negative thing you've imagined about yourself, the world is full of other awkward, ugly, stupid people who'll embrace you, if you only look around.

I've decided that fear is a waste of time.  True, it serves a purpose (like protecting us from dangerous situations that we know we should avoid), but it should never have the power to make you stagnant.  If fear is stopping you from doing anything, try this little exercise.  List every one of your fears, as silly as they may sound.  Write them out on a piece of paper.  Read that list aloud.  And then remind yourself that these things only have as much power as you let them have.

Here is a list of my fears.

1.  Death
2.  Failure
3.  Constantly hurting people I love
4.  Never becoming the writer I want to be
5.  Rejection
6.  Couldn't think of anything else, but wanted to have a 6

And now, I've thought about it carefully.  I know I'm going to die, but that doesn't mean I'm planning for it tomorrow.  I don't think I really fear dying, more so than dying, and feeling unfulfilled, like there's still much I have yet to accomplish.  But perhaps by trying my best to enjoy this life to the fullest, I'll do those things along the way.

And failure?!?  I've already failed plenty of times.  You'd think I'd be over it by now.

I think the people in my life who I love, also love me back.  This mutual relationship helps to ease the brunt of the pain caused when we hurt each other.  Plus, I'm trying to be the type of person who never hurts anyone intentionally, and apologizes when he accidentally does.  A work in progress, but I'm getting there.

As far as rejection, I've come to realize that people are either going to accept you, or think that you're really strange.  At least, that's how it is with me.  So I embrace that and don't let it get me down.

So, there you have it.  I've processed my fears and they don't seem nearly as powerful anymore.  Hopefully you'll release the power of your fears as well.

Becoming happier people is definitely dependent upon it.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

Mental Escape #5

Okay, this isn't exactly a mental escape.  Just going there with my twin.

But Union Station can be fun.  Plus there's a 

Barnes & Noble....now that sounds 

like an escape!

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

The Occasional Crazy Rare Quote # 12

An idea is salvation by imagination

                                       ---  Frank Lloyd Wright


Which is why I keep thinking.  One day, I know it'll save me.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet