Lusting for Love

I was reading a very interesting article the other day, about Dr. Cornel West.  He is certainly a personal hero, as well as an inspiration.  As the article goes on to show, Dr. West is one of the most charismatic and intellectually gifted people of our time.

It was a delightful read, which I would recommend each of you check out, when you have some free time.

The Supreme Love and Revolutionary Funk of Dr. Cornel West, Philospher of the Blues  (I'm seriously geeking off this title, by the way....lol)

My purpose for writing this is not only to inform you about some fantastic reading material, but also because this article got me to thinking on multiple levels.  One of the more surprising thoughts was inspired by this section:

West has a reputation as a ladies’ man, but it’s hard to believe—how romantic can it be to crawl into bed with your lover and a copy of Georg Lukacs’ 1923 History and Class Consciousness, one of the many texts West rereads every year? Married three times, with a 31-year-old son, Clifton, by his first wife, and separated from the mother of his eight-year-old daughter, Zeytun, West is cagey about his current romantic condition. “I’m just dangling and adrift, in a certain sense. I’m hoping somebody’s praying for me.” In his voiceover commentary for the DVD box set of The Matrix trilogy—a brilliantly free-form conversation with spirituality writer Ken Wilber about the movies’ philosophical roots, from Plato to Schopenhauer to William James to West’s own writing—West strikes an oddly mournful note when Neo and the love interest, Trinity, get intimate. “Love itself is a certain kind of death,” he muses. “That deep sense of lack and loss are part of the structure of desire.”

This section not only provided insight into the personal bearings of a remarkable man, but it also made me wonder.  Is it the curse of the male to make mistakes in relationships?  I mean here is this highly educated, deep thinking Princeton professor, no less awry in the love department than I am.  Which forces me to believe that there must be some greater cause.  It has been documented throughout history, the triumphs and tragedies of great men, when it comes to love.  It was seen in biblical days, from the very beginning with Adam to the tales of King David.  Mighty rulers such as Julius Caesar and Henry VIII have fallen victim.  Sports greats such as Joe Dimaggio and Wilt Chamberlain epitomize the role of hopeless playboy/hapless romantic.  Great novelists, inventors, athletes, politicians, corporate executives, unknown blog writers (that's me...lol), and even intellectuals with world renown such as Cornel West, have all run into complications in the area of romance.  It seems that men have been struggling with love and lust since the dawn of time.  In fact, perhaps the only man to never struggle was Jesus Christ, and historians continuously try to either denounce his existence, or couple him with Mary Magdalene.  That in itself speaks volumes.

So, how do we fix this?

Frankly, if I had the answer, I would have not only corrected it long ago in myself, but would have been telling other men the secret.  There is a sexual nature within men, not merely natural but also acquired.  From the moment we are old enough to desire, men are taught to aggressively seek those things that we desire.  We are taught to nurture only after we are taught to conquer.  The hunter mentality transfers over into everything that we do.  Lust is still glorified in men while being ridiculed in women.

How many times have I heard the statement "He's just being a man", and been forced to scratch my head, because it was a woman saying it?  Sadly, far too many.  Even women embrace the fact that there's supposed to be this battle between lust and love within a man.  But the problem is that to love is a testament of being vulnerable.  And men are taught to challenge their vulnerability from about the same time they learn to pee standing up.

Lust, on the other hand, is instinctual.  It is embedded in us from the moment we recognize we have a penis.  I have to pause and laugh, thinking of my two year old son, who has already learned of his own masculinity.  Diaper changing sessions just are diaper chasing sessions without asking him "could you please stop grabbing that?!"  And I realize that even at his young age, their seems to be an understanding in males.  I recall him watching a music video, featuring Nicki Minaj.  And in one scene, while Ms. Minaj was crawling on her knees, large breasts partially visible through her V-neck top, my son stared and pointed.  "Oooooooh!!  That's pwetty!!"

I laughed, shook my head, hoping that maybe he meant her lime green wig, but my maleness makes me doubt that.  And oddly, I realize there was also this sense of pride.  While I do not want my son to objectify women, I do want him to appreciate their beauty.  Somehow, as we grow older and wiser, we are supposed to learn the difference.

Most people will not argue with me when I say that being in love is complicated.  There's this constant give and take that requires a responsibility that we sometimes fail to apply.  But interestingly enough, lust is complicated too.  Especially when it is so often applied to those who we do not love.  Because it is a matter of instinct, present in women but perhaps stronger in men, we forget that there is a responsibility there as well. They always say be careful who you love.  I say they should add those who we lust after as well.

Will men forever be romantic misfits, dangling and adrift as Dr. West so eloquently put it?  Perhaps.  But just like him, I hope someone's praying for me as well.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet