Shaking the Dust

Today, a timer started ticking within me.  It is a countdown to an upcoming moment in my life.  Soon, I will be exiting the place where I currently reside.  From that point, the journey begins.

While the previously written lines are very literal in meaning, there is also a bit of the figurative nestled within the mix.  In a few short weeks, I will be starting over.  Making the move from the confines of Hamlet, NC, and beginning anew in Maryland, a few short miles from the nation's capital.  Nervousness does not come close to describing these leaps that I already feel occurring within me.  In one moment, I am giddy from all the excitement, but suddenly troubled by an accompanying sadness, in the next.  Leaving always means that something gets left behind.

My family immediately comes to my mind, because each member will be dearly missed.  Two very special members of my family must be mentioned.  My mother, Mary, has instilled so much in me.  She is one of those rare people whose good and gentle spirit seems to shimmer within every feature of her face.  Luckily, I share most of these facial features, and will seek them each morning, via mirrors.  And then, there is my son, Solace, who leaving will be the most difficult.  It is only because of what I want to be able to give him that I can even consider such a thing.  His mere existence fuels my determination, and therefore I strive to make him proud to be called my son.

Added to the list of special people who I will miss are those friends who have been with me through thick and thin.  Though you are few in number, the amazing moments we’ve spent together reverberate many, many times over.  I carry each one of you with me.

A large part of me will even miss this small town.  I am thankful to Hamlet, NC for teaching me many things about myself.  While my dreams have always felt too large for its borders, the life I’ve lived here has allowed me to forever remain grounded.  I appreciate the little things more.  I understand how the brilliance of a few meaningful connections outshines even the brightest lights.  I will not forget these things.

And so, the moment approaches.  Soon, I will stand upon the platform, awaiting the approaching train.  When it arrives, I will take the necessary steps to leave behind a chapter in my life, and open the book on a new beginning.  I no longer fear failure.  Failing is only an invitation to regroup and try again.  It isn’t failure that is akin to death, but instead never trying.  This moment that approaches is my try.  I plan to make the best of it.

During this journey, I will be shaking the dust.  It has accumulated for far too long.  For years, I’ve felt as if I’ve been standing behind a curtain, refusing to place my feet in front of me and walk out onto my life’s main stage.  Dust begins building in those dark, covered places.  For too long, my entire existence has felt so dark and covered.  Being unable and being unwilling are two different drapes that, in time, are easily mistaken.  I am no longer willing to be unwilling.  My ability will no longer be hindered by circumstance.  I am taking this life of mine for a spin.  Hopefully, I finally start enjoying the ride.

The countdown has started.  Goodbye to the many joys that I’ll miss, as well as the remarkable people who made them possible.  I hope that we meet again one day soon.  Hello to new possibilities, echoed by the nomadic beatings of my dream-filled heart.  I will let this rhythm be my guide.  The dust has finally cleared.  The journey is now in motion.  Not all the destinations have been determined, but the final stop is happiness.  As I picture the train pulling into the station, my soul screams out, in delight.  All aboard!!!

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet