I'm a Quitter....Well, At Least I Really Hope So

I'm sure many of you are ready the title of this post, and thinking 'what in the world is wrong with him?'.  So let me explain.  Today is my official quit day.  What am I quitting you ask?  A whole bunch of things.  It's so often that we look at quitting as something negative or cowardly, but often it can be positive and sometimes the most courageous thing that you can do.  I've compiled a list of 'things' that I'm going to quit, hopefully by the beginning of the year.  Success is key to my overall well being and happiness.  I think that should be motivation enough.  So I present my quit list.

QUIT LIST


1)  Smoking -  the people who are closest to me are probably shaking their heads as they read, thinking "yeah, whatever..."  I guess that's because the truth is, I've said this many times.  I've acted like I was going to do this many times.  And I've lied to others and myself, MANY TIMES.  I've thought about it in the past about what motivates me to do things, and have now come to the conclusion that smoking is a false addiction for me.  I can't recall the last time I've truly craved a cigarette.  95% of my smoking is habitual.  This one might be hard, but suprisingly, I feel like it's the easiest on my list.

2)  Making Excuses  - I recently sat myself down for a long introspection, and came to one unsettling conclusion. 

IT'S MY FAULT

Those are three very powerful words that motivate the hell out of you, let me tell you.  I realize that all of the major grievances that I have with my current situation were directly or indirectly caused by something I did.  I'm the one who chose to party it up at UNC (Shout out to the Tarheels!!!), instead of focusing on school.  I'm the one who decided that I couldn't afford to work, do the academic probation, and still enjoy myself.  So it's my fault I didn't finish school.  I'm the one who came to work at least a minute late, everyday for weeks at a time.  I'm the one who decided to stop working as hard as I could, because I was frustrated with constantly doing more work than most of my coworkers.  Funny thing is, they still work there, and I'm unemployed.  Once again, my fault.  I'm the one who tries to love from a distance.  The one who watches hearts build and build and then runs away for cover.  I'm the one who keeps messing up a good thing.  And now I've walked away from unconditional love.  Once again, my fault.

But now that there are no more excuses, what's next?  You can fix something that's wrong if you're always trying to justify it.  Maybe I don't have the fix for these things yet, but I'm ready to look for them.

3) Being Afraid of Failure - I look back over my life, recall all of these people (relatives, teachers, youth counselors, pastors, etc.) telling me about this wonderful potential that I have.  I've been constantly told how talented I am, how intelligent, how creative, how resourceful....all of that good stuff.  The interesting thing is that none of it has ever produced anything that I can look at and be proud.  Sure there have been awards, recognitions, test scores, and acceptance letters that made me smile and hear others say "well done."  But the truth is, I expected these things.  In fact, I'm disappointed that I didn't get more of them.  I could have been the 1600 SAT score student with the straight As since elementary school.  If I had wanted to be.  But somewhere along the line, I accepted mediocrity as a trade, in order to avoid failure.  What if I tried, and didn't succeed to the level or expectations that I wanted?  What did it say about me?  Would I suddenly become less than I thought I was, because I failed?  The idea has stagnated so many opportunities and chances, all because I was unwilling to try since I was afraid to fail.  Well, no more!!

So basically these are three major things that I want to quit.  Quitting won't be easy, but I'm prepared to do it.  I don't want to end up being a scared, 80 year old chain smoker who can only come up with excuses to why things got that way.  Here's to trying to better ourselves.  Whether it's things you need to quit, or things you need to start doing, I urge each of you to look within, and strive to become a better, happier you.  Much love.

the Rare Poet