Just a Bit of Randomness (Maybe)

Far too many, indeed.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

An Attention Whore? Who Me?

The following post is a copy of something that I wrote about 3 years ago, taken from my Myspace blog at the time.  My, how my blogging skills have evolved!!  Lol.  But I love the content of this post because it's interesting to see exactly where I was mentally and to compare how I've changed now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Confessions of An Attention Whore
Current mood:  Exposed....Not Like That, Nasty!
Category:  Writing and Poetry

About two hours ago, I started writing this.  A computer error and me not being smart enough to save what I wrote, and I'm back to it again, so this time it will be simpler:

I love attention.  It's easy to say that, but hard to explain, because already I'm sure you don't understand.  Not attention in the sense of being in the spotlight, known by everyone....that's nice, but eventually, it fades away.  Gets boring actually or maybe I'm just strange.  But the attention I like is special.  Unadulterated.  Specific, and oh, so addictive!  

I'm laughing right now, because this seems like the beginning of a bad novel.  But it's true.  I remember being this awkward, quiet teenage boy, who most girls never noticed, or simply ignored.  And now?  Lol.  I'm this awkward but amazingly confident young man, who most women never notice.  Until they hear my whisper and then they seem hooked. 

This is not an ego thing.  

People who know me realize I'm far too purposely modest (does that make sense...lol) to even have an ego.  But I'm also very aware of myself.  All the faults, and strangely all the charms.  I could be a master charmer, a notorious manipulator.  You know that man you love to hate (or hate to love, depending on the situation).  Usually I choose not to be that person, not because of some moral awareness, but mainly because it takes too much effort, and I'm usually disinterested by choice. 

But the women I draw seem to have an innate ability to wake my interest, and heighten it.  Then they make it a mission it seems: make Marcus want me.  Which, ironically, isn't complicated.  If you're attractive and have personality, mixed in with a little intrigue, then my nature is to be interested....it's unfortunate because a couple women (including one who now owns my heart) have ended up hurt because of my need to run to the attention.  Of course most of these "intriguing" women don't realize:  attention doesn't last.  I lose interest in the attention eventually, until the next form of attention comes along. 

This is why I call myself an attention whore.  Because I profit from it. 

I feed off the rush.  There is something interesting about knowing a person is focusing all their energy on you.  And it's funny because even when the attention is negative, such as anger or hate, there's still this small amount of satisfaction.  But in my own uniqueness, there's even more interest and intrigue in watching a person try to make you want them.  And the types of women I attract are truly outrageous but also talented in their methods and abilities.  Surprisingly the only thing that weakens them is my nonchalant approach to them.  I'm rambling now, and this is turning slowly into an essay on the psychological differences between men and women.  Lol.  I don't want that, so I'll end with this. 

My confession as an attention whore:  some days I love it, crave it, live for it, run towards it, and use it as a crutch.  Like most people who are human.  My thing is that on other days, I hate it, because I've been guilty of using it for destruction. 

This is going to be blunt, so if you've endured this far, brace yourself...lol 

Imagine if a whore (you know, fucks for money), realized that sex could go beyond just being used for money, but instead to mold people and their behavior.  Make them act according to their need for it.  Now imagine that same whore is addicted to orgasms.  (Lol, sorry, I had to laugh at that…I digress)  Now imagine he or she has mastered molding and manipulating behaviors over the years.  Not purposely, but because of lots of experience.  And imagine the addiction has increased.  Picture that whore trying to balance the manipulation with the addiction.

Over the years, sexually intense females became my manipulation.
Their attention became my orgasm.
And now here I am, drained from the experience of it all, and the most incredible woman I've ever met added to the whole equation love. 

Sound complicated? lol.....these are my confessions (sort of)

(upon rereading this, I'm so glad the computer error took place.....this feels so much more complete than what I'd started earlier....I love how this is written....lol...couldn't be modest about it this time) 

----

That was three years ago.  So much has changed since then.  I have changed since then.  Not to say that I am no longer interested in attention, but I no longer whore for it.  It doesn’t motivate nor does it control.  Since writing the above post I have stepped into the ring with Love and sparred several rounds, trading meaningful blows, only to be knocked out in the later rounds.  I've dusted myself off since that experience, attempted to learn the things I was supposed to learn, and continually try to move on from it as a better, more capable man.  While I am still confident in my ability to charm, I'd gladly trade it earnestly for the capacity to receive and reciprocate permanent love.

I have also become a father.  To a son, no less.  And that man wants his son to appreciate a woman’s beautiful soul more than her attention.  Because if he does so, then any attention she gives him will be treasured, and therefore much better.

I still notice the intoxicating smiles.  I still see those eyes that make my curiosity whisper.  And there is still that perfect hint of ample flesh that drives my desires into fifth gear.  But there is wisdom underlying all of that.  The kind of wisdom you only get from making all the mistakes.  I look for the woman beneath the smile.  Try to see her intentions within those eyes.  I want a personality that can touch me in a more pleasing way than any skin can.  And eventually, I want to tie it all together with a sincere and undying love.  Attention can’t compete with all of that.

I’ve come remarkably close in my lifetime.  Met many amazing women, some who have moved my heart in ways they will never be able to imagine.  But for now, the search continues.  When I find her, I’ll know.  Until then, I simply look and smile.  Occasionally, I’m excited.  Does that make me an attention whore?  Not likely.

Rare Spotlight: Lisa Unger

Welcome to the Rare Spotlight, a place to shine light on those rare gems that illuminate the world, unnoticed. They are poets. They are artists. They are singers. They are musicians. They are visionaries molding beauty against the backdrops of their passions. They are beautiful, and we should pay attention. Welcome to the Rare Spotlight.

Not long ago, I sent out an ambitious email, addressed to one of my favorite authors, thanking her for enriching me with her amazing words.  I also made a request, but didn't expect a reply.  Picture my 8-year-old-on-Christmas-morning expression in that moment when the first email came.  Not only had this author responded, showing appreciation for my interests in her work and support, but she also agreed to the request.  And so, this spotlight was born.

It gives me an immense amount of pleasure to present the Spotlight that is forthcoming.  As a fan, I view the featured writer as one of those rare gems whose words leave me glued to the page.  As an aspiring writer, I extend her respect and gratitude, because she is a beacon to that place that I strive to reach.  I am in awe, in this remarkable moment that I have been given, and hope that I do it the justice it deserves.  Here goes.

Lisa Unger was born in New Haven, Connecticutt, in 1970, but grew up in the Netherlands, England, and New Jersey.  A graduate of the New School for Social Reseach, she spent a number of years living and working in New York City.  She eventually left a career in publicity to pursue her dream of becoming a full-time author.  She currently resides in Florida, with her husband and daughter.

From a reader's perspective, Mrs. Unger is a master of words.  I can't begin to note all of the times that I read through her words, greatly pleased and desiring more.  Her plots are rich and intense, carried at a pace that will keep any reader on edge, thirsting for the next twist or turn.  Although I will not include an excerpt of her work, I adamantly suggest that all who love a great read to seek Mrs. Unger's works out. 

I must add that I was a bit skeptical about contacting an author of Mrs. Unger's stature.  In most of our minds, it seems that a New York Times best-seller would understandably be far too busy to offer this her attention and time.  But Mrs. Unger quelled any predispositions that I had, and proved to be both amiable and willing to help.  I offer her my deepest thanks for this, and hope she understands what it means to me.  If I am fortunate enough to be a writer in her position, her example will be held within my mind.

It is my esteemed pleasure to shed spotlight on one of my favorite authors, Mrs. Lisa Unger.

Questions

1) Name

Lisa Unger

2) Current City/Hometown

Tampa Bay Area, Florida

3) Right now, you are (literally).....

Drinking coffee in my office, finally answering the questions you sent me too long ago!

4) When did you fall in love with writing?

I don't remember a time before I defined myself as a writer, so I'm not sure I fell in love.  I suspect I was born with the need to write.  It's a congenital condition, rather than a love affair ... happily, no escape.

5) Describe yourself in one paragraph

It might be impossible to describe myself in one paragraph.  But I'll say I'm a mother first, a wife, always a writer at my core.  I am in love with my life and dwell most often in a place of gratitude.  I am nourished by family and friends, travel, books (naturally), physical activity, great food.  I am depleted by the internet, stress, pressures internal and external.  But mainly, I'm kind of a happy, normal girl who is very grateful to make my living doing what I love.  

6) Five years ago, you were.....

a new mom, struggling to find a balance between the two most consuming creative endeavors of my life!  Five years later, some semblance of balance has been achieved (most days) ... of course, it always tips in favor of my daughter who is the sun and the moon.

7) Five years from now, you want to be.....

As happy and healthy as I am today.

8) Your entire day is ruined unless you can.....

I am not sure any one thing has the power to ruin my day.  But I will say I am happiest when I feel like I wrote well, spent great time with my daughter and my husband, and managed to get some exercise. That's a perfect day!

9) If you were a color, which would you be, and why? (Lol..I had to throw in  one of these type questions)

I'm my daughter's favorite color: Rainbow!

10) One moment in your life, when you were the proudest

The day my daughter told me that when she grows up she wants to be a "mommy writer."

11) One moment in your life, which you regret most

No regrets. Never look back.

12) Write whatever you feel

Thanks so much for thinking of me and including me in your blog!  It means a lot that you reached out to me. 

13) Links/websites/places where the readers can check out your work

Everything you never knew you wanted to know about me can be found at: www.lisaunger.com  The best way to keep connected with me is to like me at www.facebook.com/authorlisaunger.  I'm doing lots of giveaways there through the new hardcover release in August of DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND.

Again, I say thank you to Mrs. Unger.  You are truly an incredible author whose works have entertained, inspired, and influenced me beyond words.  I look forward to reading many, many more.

Readers would greatly benefit from clicking on one of the links included above.  It will begin your journey into the world of a woman who is not only an amazing writer, but a truly rare person indeed.  Enjoy!

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

Monday Oh So Dope Award, Apr. 04,2011 (The Return of the Dopeness!!)

I haven't done the Monday Oh So Dope Award in quite some time, which is surprising to me.  I am constantly finding things that I think are clever, insightful, and just down right dope!!  (Yes, I was born in the '80s.  Dope will always mean "cool"!!)

It's National Poetry Month, and I found an amazing site (well, more like rediscovered), that has given me some amazing writing prompts to use.  Rachel McKibbens is one of my favorite spoken word artists, and by far the dopest mom I have come across in a long time.  Need some evidence of Rachel's dopeness?  Check this Def Poetry performance out (with then husband, George):




So freakin' dope!!

Just like her blog, which contains enough spectacular writing and poetry exercises to make budding writers foam at the mouth.  Rachel is a prime example of why we should toss the old adage "Those who can't, teach."  She is a masterful teacher, in an art form that she clearly commands.  Oh so dope, Ms. McKibbens, oh so dope, indeed!!

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

The Beauty of Different

Once again from wandering the blogosphere, I have discovered something profound.  Chookooloonks is one of my new favorites, full of beautiful insight through the words and photographs of Karen Walrond.  A former engineer and lawyer, Karen has won several awards, is a highly sought keynote speaker, and has been featured on Oprah and CNN.

She is also a published author.  Her book, the Beauty of Different, is a stunning combination of Karen's remarkable eye joined together with a gift of story-telling that with make all readers gush with appreciation.  Certainly a must read.  I found this introductory video on the book's page and my mind was immediately pushed adrift, a raft of thought floating slowly out to sea.




I would love to say that I have always celebrated those things that make me different, but that would be a lie. I had to grow into this.  Cry a few nights, because I didn't understand.  I had to open my eyes and see me.  But now, I am enamored with my differences.  I champion the fact that they're all a collection of little things that set me apart from everyone else.  And now, I see them as beautiful whereas, for too many years, I believed them to be flaws.  I hope that everyone can find it in them, to savor those things that make you unique.  As Karen superbly states in the video, we are all uniquely, breathtakingly beautiful.  And that should be reason enough for a smile.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet