The Even Though It's Not Tuesday Groove, Apr. 14, 2011

Yes, I'm well aware that it is now Thursday.  And yet it's been far too long since I've posted some music.  So welcome to the even though it's not Tuesday groove.  Some great songs, simply one day later than usual.  Hopefully it's enjoyed.  Since I haven't posted in a while, here are SIX groovy tunes for your listening pleasure!!

Frank Ocean --- Novacane

Yes, he's often associated with perhaps one of the most controversial groups to hit the hip-hop scene since the Wu-Tang Clan (Google OFWGKTA).  But Frank Ocean is a lot more than that.  He's a songwriter for such huge acts as John Legend, Brandy, and yes, Justin Bieber.  He has the type of voice and lyrics that R&B music is in desperate need of.  If you're sick of all the Trey Songz music on the radio, then you should definitely give Frank Ocean a listen.  The lyrics to this particular song are that superb blend between witty truth and intense storytelling that makes it an instant favorite.  Plus the music is addictive.

Cee-Lo Green --- Brighter Lights, Bigger City

From Goodie Mob to Gnarls Barkley, Cee-Lo has been making great music for several years.  His latest solo project, The Lady Killer, is a testament to his ability to make much appreciated mainstream music, and still not abandon his own unique sense of style and sound.  This is just one of the many songs from the album that I am grooving to lately.

Diddy Dirty Money --- Last Night Pt. 2

Personally, I was one of those people who became sick of all the Making the Band reality shows.  Of course, I still watched them.  Sean 'Diddy' Combs has an energy about him that makes Burger King commercials seem like important events.  And it is this larger-than-life persona that adds so much appeal to this group.  Plus, in my opinion, he's come a LONG way with his vocals.  This particular song is an immense upgrade to the song "Last Night", the top 10 single, featuring Keyshia Cole, from Diddy's last solo album, Press Play.

Carlos St. John --- Building My Empire

Most people still have no clue who Carlos St. John is.  Which only means that when he's in the upper echelon of the hip-hop world, I can tell people I was onto him years ahead of the game.  This song's hook is so hypnotic, and it speaks to everyone who's ever had a dream that's bigger than others can imagine.

Warpaint --- Elephants

This Los Angeles quartet of fierce ladies exploded on the scene in early 2009 with an experimental rock sound that impressed several members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Fueled by their promising debut album, The Fool, Warpaint is sure to turn some heads in the near future.

Skylar Grey --- Love the Way You Lie (Original Demo)

If you ask most people who Holly Brook Haffermann is, you'll probably receive a blank stare.  But asking about Skylar Grey, the 25 yr old singer-songwriter's stage name, will suddenly produce quite the buzz.  Following major collaborations with Eminem, Diddy-Dirty Money, and Dr. Dre, Skylar is set to be a major pop sensation.  Here is the song that her writing skills helped culminate in a Song of the Year Grammy.  Personally, I prefer this version to Rihanna's.


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So there you have it.  A diverse group of amazing musicians.  Hopefully, you enjoy them as much as I do.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

With Pending Change, Comes a New Look

At the beginning of this, I told all interested readers that the look of this blog would change constantly.  While it hasn't been the weekly metamorphosis I anticipated, lately the pages have endured quite a few makeovers.  I think this merely reflects the drastic makeover going on within me.  Most days, I feel like an empty canvas.  After one or two strokes, I feel a need to start all over again.  But, masterpieces aren't created overnight.  So I'll continue on.  If the look of this area goes through a few alterations in the process, I simply hope it's all for the better.  And that the visual changes don't ever affect the content.

I do wish that I posted more.  And that more people took an interest to those things that I do share.  Perhaps these wishes will be granted in time.

Shaking the Dust

Today, a timer started ticking within me.  It is a countdown to an upcoming moment in my life.  Soon, I will be exiting the place where I currently reside.  From that point, the journey begins.

While the previously written lines are very literal in meaning, there is also a bit of the figurative nestled within the mix.  In a few short weeks, I will be starting over.  Making the move from the confines of Hamlet, NC, and beginning anew in Maryland, a few short miles from the nation's capital.  Nervousness does not come close to describing these leaps that I already feel occurring within me.  In one moment, I am giddy from all the excitement, but suddenly troubled by an accompanying sadness, in the next.  Leaving always means that something gets left behind.

My family immediately comes to my mind, because each member will be dearly missed.  Two very special members of my family must be mentioned.  My mother, Mary, has instilled so much in me.  She is one of those rare people whose good and gentle spirit seems to shimmer within every feature of her face.  Luckily, I share most of these facial features, and will seek them each morning, via mirrors.  And then, there is my son, Solace, who leaving will be the most difficult.  It is only because of what I want to be able to give him that I can even consider such a thing.  His mere existence fuels my determination, and therefore I strive to make him proud to be called my son.

Added to the list of special people who I will miss are those friends who have been with me through thick and thin.  Though you are few in number, the amazing moments we’ve spent together reverberate many, many times over.  I carry each one of you with me.

A large part of me will even miss this small town.  I am thankful to Hamlet, NC for teaching me many things about myself.  While my dreams have always felt too large for its borders, the life I’ve lived here has allowed me to forever remain grounded.  I appreciate the little things more.  I understand how the brilliance of a few meaningful connections outshines even the brightest lights.  I will not forget these things.

And so, the moment approaches.  Soon, I will stand upon the platform, awaiting the approaching train.  When it arrives, I will take the necessary steps to leave behind a chapter in my life, and open the book on a new beginning.  I no longer fear failure.  Failing is only an invitation to regroup and try again.  It isn’t failure that is akin to death, but instead never trying.  This moment that approaches is my try.  I plan to make the best of it.

During this journey, I will be shaking the dust.  It has accumulated for far too long.  For years, I’ve felt as if I’ve been standing behind a curtain, refusing to place my feet in front of me and walk out onto my life’s main stage.  Dust begins building in those dark, covered places.  For too long, my entire existence has felt so dark and covered.  Being unable and being unwilling are two different drapes that, in time, are easily mistaken.  I am no longer willing to be unwilling.  My ability will no longer be hindered by circumstance.  I am taking this life of mine for a spin.  Hopefully, I finally start enjoying the ride.

The countdown has started.  Goodbye to the many joys that I’ll miss, as well as the remarkable people who made them possible.  I hope that we meet again one day soon.  Hello to new possibilities, echoed by the nomadic beatings of my dream-filled heart.  I will let this rhythm be my guide.  The dust has finally cleared.  The journey is now in motion.  Not all the destinations have been determined, but the final stop is happiness.  As I picture the train pulling into the station, my soul screams out, in delight.  All aboard!!!

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

Just a Bit of Randomness (Maybe)

Far too many, indeed.

Marcus Jamison, the Rare Poet

An Attention Whore? Who Me?

The following post is a copy of something that I wrote about 3 years ago, taken from my Myspace blog at the time.  My, how my blogging skills have evolved!!  Lol.  But I love the content of this post because it's interesting to see exactly where I was mentally and to compare how I've changed now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Confessions of An Attention Whore
Current mood:  Exposed....Not Like That, Nasty!
Category:  Writing and Poetry

About two hours ago, I started writing this.  A computer error and me not being smart enough to save what I wrote, and I'm back to it again, so this time it will be simpler:

I love attention.  It's easy to say that, but hard to explain, because already I'm sure you don't understand.  Not attention in the sense of being in the spotlight, known by everyone....that's nice, but eventually, it fades away.  Gets boring actually or maybe I'm just strange.  But the attention I like is special.  Unadulterated.  Specific, and oh, so addictive!  

I'm laughing right now, because this seems like the beginning of a bad novel.  But it's true.  I remember being this awkward, quiet teenage boy, who most girls never noticed, or simply ignored.  And now?  Lol.  I'm this awkward but amazingly confident young man, who most women never notice.  Until they hear my whisper and then they seem hooked. 

This is not an ego thing.  

People who know me realize I'm far too purposely modest (does that make sense...lol) to even have an ego.  But I'm also very aware of myself.  All the faults, and strangely all the charms.  I could be a master charmer, a notorious manipulator.  You know that man you love to hate (or hate to love, depending on the situation).  Usually I choose not to be that person, not because of some moral awareness, but mainly because it takes too much effort, and I'm usually disinterested by choice. 

But the women I draw seem to have an innate ability to wake my interest, and heighten it.  Then they make it a mission it seems: make Marcus want me.  Which, ironically, isn't complicated.  If you're attractive and have personality, mixed in with a little intrigue, then my nature is to be interested....it's unfortunate because a couple women (including one who now owns my heart) have ended up hurt because of my need to run to the attention.  Of course most of these "intriguing" women don't realize:  attention doesn't last.  I lose interest in the attention eventually, until the next form of attention comes along. 

This is why I call myself an attention whore.  Because I profit from it. 

I feed off the rush.  There is something interesting about knowing a person is focusing all their energy on you.  And it's funny because even when the attention is negative, such as anger or hate, there's still this small amount of satisfaction.  But in my own uniqueness, there's even more interest and intrigue in watching a person try to make you want them.  And the types of women I attract are truly outrageous but also talented in their methods and abilities.  Surprisingly the only thing that weakens them is my nonchalant approach to them.  I'm rambling now, and this is turning slowly into an essay on the psychological differences between men and women.  Lol.  I don't want that, so I'll end with this. 

My confession as an attention whore:  some days I love it, crave it, live for it, run towards it, and use it as a crutch.  Like most people who are human.  My thing is that on other days, I hate it, because I've been guilty of using it for destruction. 

This is going to be blunt, so if you've endured this far, brace yourself...lol 

Imagine if a whore (you know, fucks for money), realized that sex could go beyond just being used for money, but instead to mold people and their behavior.  Make them act according to their need for it.  Now imagine that same whore is addicted to orgasms.  (Lol, sorry, I had to laugh at that…I digress)  Now imagine he or she has mastered molding and manipulating behaviors over the years.  Not purposely, but because of lots of experience.  And imagine the addiction has increased.  Picture that whore trying to balance the manipulation with the addiction.

Over the years, sexually intense females became my manipulation.
Their attention became my orgasm.
And now here I am, drained from the experience of it all, and the most incredible woman I've ever met added to the whole equation love. 

Sound complicated? lol.....these are my confessions (sort of)

(upon rereading this, I'm so glad the computer error took place.....this feels so much more complete than what I'd started earlier....I love how this is written....lol...couldn't be modest about it this time) 

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That was three years ago.  So much has changed since then.  I have changed since then.  Not to say that I am no longer interested in attention, but I no longer whore for it.  It doesn’t motivate nor does it control.  Since writing the above post I have stepped into the ring with Love and sparred several rounds, trading meaningful blows, only to be knocked out in the later rounds.  I've dusted myself off since that experience, attempted to learn the things I was supposed to learn, and continually try to move on from it as a better, more capable man.  While I am still confident in my ability to charm, I'd gladly trade it earnestly for the capacity to receive and reciprocate permanent love.

I have also become a father.  To a son, no less.  And that man wants his son to appreciate a woman’s beautiful soul more than her attention.  Because if he does so, then any attention she gives him will be treasured, and therefore much better.

I still notice the intoxicating smiles.  I still see those eyes that make my curiosity whisper.  And there is still that perfect hint of ample flesh that drives my desires into fifth gear.  But there is wisdom underlying all of that.  The kind of wisdom you only get from making all the mistakes.  I look for the woman beneath the smile.  Try to see her intentions within those eyes.  I want a personality that can touch me in a more pleasing way than any skin can.  And eventually, I want to tie it all together with a sincere and undying love.  Attention can’t compete with all of that.

I’ve come remarkably close in my lifetime.  Met many amazing women, some who have moved my heart in ways they will never be able to imagine.  But for now, the search continues.  When I find her, I’ll know.  Until then, I simply look and smile.  Occasionally, I’m excited.  Does that make me an attention whore?  Not likely.